Pushing Pause Page 19
“You were, like, three years old. You were a kid just talking. It was nobody’s fault.”
“Jade, I’m so sorry, really.”
“Kenisha, whatever.”
“No, look what I did to you, I messed up your life, I’m sorry. You had to come live here with Grandmom and I stayed in Virginia. I’m sorry.”
“I’m not,” she said, then smiled. “You know, I used to be so jealous of you. You had everything I wanted. Mom and a father and a big house and money. But then you were so mean about it. You walked in here like some kind of diva, like everything and everybody was beneath you. But I knew that you were gonna have to wake up one day, just like Mom did, and realize that the money wasn’t worth it. She sacrificed her dream, her heart, for money and you were doing the same thing. That was why she stayed on your case.”
“Jade, I’m so sorry I…” I reached out and took her hand. She didn’t pull away this time, and she didn’t go limp, she held tight and it was like I’d found a lifeline to hold on to.
“It’s okay, we’re good. I don’t envy you anymore. I’m not jealous or angry. That was over a long time ago. Besides, I might need a kidney one day.”
“Damn,” Ty said quietly, more to himself then to us.
We both looked up. “Ty, I forgot you were still standing there,” Jade said.
“OMG, you’re Tyrece Grant,” I said.
“Kenisha, this is Tyrece, my fiancé.” She held out her hand and produced a serious rock on her third finger.
“Hey, little sister, I just got back in the country, I’m sorry about Barbra. She was cool, real cool,” he said.
“You’re engaged to him?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“Oh—my—God.”
Jade turned to Tyrece. “You ready to go?”
“Yeah, sure, but why don’t we flush these, unless, of course, the show is still on,” he said.
We started picking up the pills, then Jade took them all and flushed them down the toilet. “Is that it?” she asked when she came back.
“Yeah, that’s it,” I said. Then for some reason I started crying and I couldn’t stop. Tyrece went downstairs and got me a glass of water, then he got me an ice pack ’cause I was burning up, then he went to tell my grandmother, who sent word that I’d be okay now. I just kept crying, for my mom, my dad, for Jade, for my grandmother, for my girls, but mostly for me.
I’d lost everything I’d tried to hold on to, but I could tell that I was kind of starting over. I just wasn’t sure I was ready.
CHAPTER 21
Pushing Play—The Beginning
“I thought the puzzle of me was already put together, but it wasn’t. Missing, mislaid, torn, damaged, destroyed…picking up the scattered pieces of my life, I see now how the choices we make have consequences.”
—myspace.com
After Jade and Tyrece left to take her things back to the dorm, I fell asleep and dreamed about my mother. I didn’t really remember the dream just that I dreamed about her and it made me feel good. I slept the rest of the evening, that night and most of the next morning. I finally got up around ten. I was hot even though the air conditioner had been on.
I showered and got dressed, then went downstairs. The first thing I heard was the lawn mower outside. I smiled. I went out the back door expecting to see lawn mower guy, but it was somebody else. I saw my grandmother in her garden. I went over to her. “Morning, Grandmom.”
“Good morning, did you sleep well?”
“Yes, I passed out, I was tired.”
“Good, you needed your rest.”
I looked around, still curious. “Do you need some help with that?”
“Sure, just pinch off the spent flowers and toss them in the basket.”
I started doing that, following her. “Um, where’s the other guy?”
“What other guy?”
“The guy that used to cut your grass.”
“Terrence, Terrence Butler, from next door. He’s gone.”
“Gone, where? I mean, like, did he get in trouble again or something?”
“Trouble? What, no. Classes started for him.”
“I thought he dropped out of high school.”
“Dropped out, no, you must still be tired. He graduated last semester and got a scholarship. He’s a freshman at Howard this fall.”
“How old is he?”
“Seventeen, if I’m not mistaken.”
“But I thought—Never mind,” I said, then followed her around, snipping the spent flowers as she schooled me on the names and scents in her herb garden. We were out there a while, then she went back inside and left me to plant a tray of flowers while she got us something to drink.
“Hey.”
I turned around and saw Diamond and Jalisa coming down the back steps to stand behind me. “Hey.” I stood up.
“We’re sorry. We talked and we don’t want…”
“I know, me, neither. I’m sorry, too, I was acting all crazy. I don’t care about LaVon and Chili and all that. They deserve each other. So, are we girls again?” We smiled and hugged each other, then they laughed at me wearing my grandmother’s garden hat to keep out the bright sun.
“That’s a new look for you,” Diamond said.
“You like?” I asked.
“I do, where do we get one?” Jalisa added.
We joked, then turned when someone cleared their throat, getting our attention.
Lawn mower guy stood there looking at us.
“Hey,” I said. “I wondered what happened to you.”
“I had to do something.” He smiled, showing his dimple.
“Yeah, my grandmother told me. You’re a freshman at Howard, not bad.”
“Yeah, a brother has skills.”
“Um, these are my girls, Jalisa and Diamond, and this is Terrence Butler, he lives next door.”
They greeted each other. “I didn’t know you knew my name, Kenisha. You always call me lawn mower guy.”
“I didn’t, my grandmother just told me.”
Diamond and Jalisa looked at each other. “Umm, listen, we’re gonna go now, Kenisha…”
“Yeah, we’ll call you later, after dance class.”
“Oh, right, dance class,” I said. “I’m going, too.”
“But don’t you want to stay and talk and…” Jalisa said.
“…hang out or something?” Diamond finished.
“Nah,” I said, looking at Terrence. “He’ll be here when I get back, right?”
He nodded slowly, flashing that dimple. I walked over and kissed him sweetly.
“We’ll meet you out front,” Jalisa said as she and Diamond started giggling and hurrying around the side of the house.
“So you gonna be here for me when I get back?” I asked, holding on to him.
“Yeah, I can do that,” he said, then kissed me back.
A few minutes later I grabbed my dance bag and hurried downstairs. My grandmother and Terrence were on the front porch, talking.
“See you later, Grandmom, I’ll be home right after dance class.”
“All right, I’ll cook your favorite.”
“Thanks, Grandmom, I love you.”
“I love you, too, Kenisha.”
“See ya, shorty,” Terrence said.
“See ya, lawn mower guy.”
I caught up with Jalisa and Diamond and we decided to walk instead of taking Diamond’s car. “All right, ladies, check, have I got something to tell you…”
We talked and walked and squealed and joked and laughed all the way there. On the way I looked around my new neighborhood. It wasn’t that bad. Kids still played, guys still hung out and trees still grew. I had my friends, a new sister, my grandmother and dance. Who would want anything more?
Oh, and I also had lawn mower guy.
PUSHING PAUSE
ISBN: 978-1-4268-0659-9
© 2007 by Celeste O. Norfleet
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