Pushing Pause Read online

  “Cat got your tongue, or do you still not speak to strangers?” he asked.

  “Who are you exactly, I mean, other than lawn mower guy?” I heard myself asking. “What are you, like, the handyman, babysitter or something? Do you live in the basement, the attic or the shed? ’Cause every time I turn around, you’re here.”

  He laughed, then put the bags he was carrying down on the counter and walked over to see what I was doing. He leaned in and I could feel his breath tickle my neck. I shivered. “Try not to burn that,” he whispered way too close.

  “Yeah, thanks, lawn mower guy, see ya,” I said, dismissing him again.

  “Trying to get rid of me already?” he said, inching closer to me.

  “Don’t you have something else to do or someone else to mess with?”

  “Yeah, but I like messing with you.”

  “Uh-huh, yeah, I got that part.”

  “So what are you doing later?” he asked.

  “Don’t you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend?”

  He laughed again and made me want to laugh, too. “Nah, shorty, I don’t even fly that side of the fence and as for the part about a girlfriend, not at the moment, you interested?”

  “Sorry, I’m seeing someone.”

  “Ah, yes, the NBA wannabe…”

  “What do you know about it and how do you know about LaVon anyway?”

  “Life is transient.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, turning around to face him.

  Before I knew anything he leaned in and kissed me. I let him. It was nice, really nice, soft and firm but not demanding, like LaVon always was. Neither one of us moved an inch or touched anything other than our lips. I kept on stirring and he just stood there, too close. When he finally leaned back, he smiled all cocky, like he knew that was gonna happen. “I bet Mr. NBA don’t even compare,” he whispered.

  “Bye,” I said, dismissing him again and then I turned to look down, concentrating on the stuff I was still supposed to be stirring. But umm, he was sure-nuff right about LaVon’s kiss not comparing to his.

  “See you later, shorty,” he whispered in my ear, then left.

  As soon as the back door closed, I looked up. I didn’t really expect him to leave like that. Before, when I said bye, he just kept on talking. So I walked over to the back door and looked out. I didn’t see him anywhere, but I heard my grandmother talking, I guess to her next-door neighbor. I hurried back to the stove just in case she came back in. The last thing I needed to hear was her mouth. After about five minutes, my grandmother decided to come back in. I was still standing there, stirring.

  “How’s it look?” she asked.

  “It got darker. I don’t know, I guess I might have burned it or something. Sorry.”

  She came over and looked over my shoulder, then nodded. “It looks just fine, just keep stirring just like that.”

  “What is it?” I asked.

  “It’s a roux.”

  “What’s a roux?”

  “A roux is a base sauce. There are several variations. This one is made with flour and butter and just a hint of bacon drippings. You melt the butter, then slowly sprinkle the flour a little bit at a time then stir for about thirty minutes. The more you stir, the darker the roux and the more flavorful the base. But if you burn it, you have throw it out and start over.”

  “Oh, right.” I nodded like I had the slightest clue what she was talking about. Then I watched as she started doing all this stuff, chopping, mixing, grating. I had no idea what she was making, but it was seriously smelling good.

  “What’s it gonna be?” I asked.

  “It’s going to be seafood gumbo.”

  “So you have all these recipes memorized or do you write them down in a cookbook?” I heard myself ask her.

  “There are two types of recipes in this kitchen. The ones that feed the body and the ones that feed the soul. One set you’ll find in cookbooks in the pantry, and the other you won’t.”

  I smiled. “More pearls of wisdom,” I said.

  “Exactly. We all change the world in our way and just by being born you’ve changed it. But the recipe for making your own history is decide what you want, commit to your decision, then be able to live with the consequences. Follow your heart. It’ll never let you down.”

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.”

  “What’s up with Jade?” I asked. She just looked at me. “I mean, why is she so quiet all the time, introverted?” I wanted to say evil, but I changed my mind and went with quiet and introverted instead.

  “I presume you’re asking why Jade seems distant.”

  “Yeah, I mean, yes. She acts okay around you and Mom, but with me she’s all distant. Did I do something or say something to her?”

  “Have you talked to her about this?”

  “No. Well, yes, kind of. I tried, but she was distant again. She didn’t want to hear me.”

  “Maybe you should try again, but this time make her hear you say something different. It’s not always the way you say it but how you say it.”

  “She’s in school still, right, college?”

  “Yes, Howard University, going into her sophomore year,” she said. I nodded. “Where do you intend to study?”

  I shrugged. She looked at me hard. “I don’t know yet,” I said. “I was thinking about staying in the immediate area, but I haven’t really decided yet.”

  “Have you taken the PSATs yet?”

  “Yes, twice.”

  “How did you do?”

  “I think I did okay.”

  “You think or you know?”

  “I did okay.”

  “How are your grades?”

  “I think they’re okay.”

  “Why don’t you try that answer again,” she said.

  Damn, I felt like I was getting the third degree in kindergarten. “I have a steady three-point-five GPA.”

  “Good, but a four-point-zero would be much better.”

  “Yes, I know. That was one of my goals this year.”

  “Good for you,” she said. I was stunned. Did I actually get a “good for you” compliment? “Well, I think you might want to start considering your future, don’t you?” I nodded. “Have you considered any specific schools yet or looked at college brochures?”

  “No, I’m waiting until my junior year, this year.”

  “Don’t wait too long,” she said. I nodded for lack of anything else to do or say. “What are you interested in?”

  “Ummm, I think I like computer engineering,” I said, and then corrected myself. “I mean, I like computer engineering, I’m interested in that field.” She smiled wide, then shook her head.

  “What, you smiled. Why?”

  “Your mother studied computer engineering before she met your father.”

  “Mom went to school for computer engineering?” I asked. “That’s hot, I didn’t know that.”

  “She had such promise.”

  “What do you mean had?”

  “She didn’t quite finish.”

  “Why not?”

  “Maybe you should ask her.”

  I knew that was the end of that conversation, so I didn’t even bother pressing her on the issue. As for asking my mom, I figured I’d think about it.

  “Is Jade here?” I asked, wondering out loud.

  “No, she’s at work.”

  “Oh,” I said, “where exactly does she work?”

  “She works at the dance studio in the mornings and at the college library in the afternoons.”

  “I didn’t know she actually worked there,” I said, surprised.

  “There’s a lot you don’t know. But be patient, you have a lot to learn.”

  I had no idea what that was supposed to mean, so I just nodded, figuring that was all I was gonna get.

  “What are your plans for today?”

  “Nothing,” I said, figuring that I’d probably go to the mall in Virginia and catch up with my
friends, then go to Freeman like usual.

  “Good, I could use some help around the house and I need a few errands run.”

  “Me?” I stopped stirring.

  “What, you too good to get your hands dirty?”

  “No, I mean I don’t know what to do.”

  “We’ll show you.”

  “We’ll?” I asked, curious as to who she was talking about.

  “Don’t stop stirring, I need that roux to be a nice dark brown.” I nodded and looked at the sauce simmering in the pan. The color had darkened and deepened to a rich milk chocolate color.

  My grandmother came over and looked over my shoulder again. “A little patience is all it takes to turn anything around, remember that.”

  I nodded. “Okay.”

  “Let me take that now,” she said as I handed her the spoon. “I need you to pick up a few things for me from the grocery store, then go down to the dance studio and find out what time Jade’s coming back.”

  “Can’t you just call her?”

  She looked at me sternly. I got the message.

  “Take my car. The keys are on the peg in the pantry.”

  “You want me to drive?”

  “You know how, don’t you?”

  “Yeah, I mean yes, but it’s just that…”

  “Are you a good, safe driver?”

  “Yes, definitely. I follow all the rules, pay attention to traffic, no cell phone…it’s just that I have my learner’s permit and all, but…”

  “But what?” she asked.

  “I need a real driver in the car with me.”

  “Take your time, drive carefully. You’ll be fine and as for a licensed driver, it’ll be our little secret,” she said, then smiled and winked. “Now, is there anything else?”

  Whoa, she winked, she smiled, hell must have just frozen over, I thought. “Uh, no, nothing, I need to get my purse,” I said, and hurried up the stairs to my room. I went back down and grabbed the list and the keys from the pantry, then left.

  My grandmother gave me a shopping list and directions, but I kept getting turned around, then I finally found the store she wanted. I parked and went inside and picked up all the things on her list. Having never gone grocery shopping before in my life, it took me forever, but I finally did it. So I was just about to get back in the car when I heard somebody walking up behind me. Oh, man, that’s all I needed—to get carjacked and have to explain to my grandmother how I lost her car. I decided to just keep walking. When I got to the car, I turned.

  “Hey, Kenisha, I thought that was you, what you doing around the way?”

  Li’l T was standing there smiling like new money. “Hey, what’s up, Li’l T,” I said, too relieved to see him. “So what you doing around the way, girl?”

  “I’m staying with my grandmother for a while. She lives near here.”

  “Nice,” he said, “that means that your girl Chili will be hanging around, too, right?”

  “I don’t know about all that,” I said.

  “So where you going now?”

  “I have to go to Freeman.”

  “Cool, why don’t you give a brotha a ride?”

  “You got a dance class?” I asked.

  “Nah, I’m just hanging.”

  So we got in the car and I started driving. “Hey, why don’t you take the shortcut?”

  “What shortcut?”

  “Turn right at the stop sign,” he said. I turned and started following his directions.

  “Is that the high school?” I asked, stopped at the light.

  “Yeah, that’s Penn Hall,” he said.

  Seeing Penn didn’t impress me. It was huge and looked more like a prison than a high school. There were some guys playing basketball on the court across the street. The light changed. As I continued through I saw lawn mower guy. He was sweating and holding a basketball under his arm, so I presumed that he had just been on the court, but now he was just standing on the corner talking with a few other guys. He obviously recognized my grandmother’s car ’cause he started staring real hard.

  “Hey, do you know him?” I asked Li’l T.

  “Who?” he asked, looking around all obvious. I seriously have to remember to school him on subtlety.

  “That guy over there on the corner in the gray sweats holding the basketball talking to those other guys.”

  “Who, him, yeah, I know him, why?”

  “I’m just asking, what’s his name?”

  “I thought you were seeing that wannabe NBA basketball player. He be ’round the way always talking trash about going to the NBA. Ain’t nobody hearing that.”

  “I am, I’m just asking ’cause I’ve seen him around.”

  “Yeah, yeah, whatever, that was what I’m talking about, y’all girls always go after those bad-boy player types. A brotha like me ain’t got a chance.”

  “Bad-boy types, what do you mean?”

  “You know, bad boys like the movie, back in the day he used to be in all kinds of trouble all the time.” Then he started laughing. “Yo, I remember them saying that once he even…nah, nah, wait a minute, no freebies.”

  “What?”

  “A’ight, check it out, I’ll tell you what, let’s make a deal. You hook me up with your girl Chili and I’ll return the favor. Anything you want to know about him, all the juicy dirt and gossip.”

  “What, boy, please, I just asked if you knew his name. I don’t want to get all dramatic.”

  “Yeah, sure, they all say that about…uh…nah, no freebies.” He started laughing again. “You get me in with Chili and I’ll hook you up, digits and all. Turn right at this stop sign.”

  “Okay, as for Chili, you need to chill out with all that. She’s not your type, trust me, and for your information, I’m not trying to get hooked up, I just asked a simple question, that’s all.”

  “Uh-huh, they all say that about him.”

  “I should kick your little tired blackmailing butt out the car.”

  “Go ahead, ’cause we’re here, hah,” he said, then started laughing as if he’d just pulled off the greatest prank in the world.

  He was right, we were right in front of Freeman. So I pulled into the small parking lot next door and we got out. Li’l T immediately ran across the street after seeing one of his friends. I went on inside.

  “Hey, Ms. Jay, how you doing?” I called out, seeing Ms. Jamison, the dance school manager, locking the award and trophy cabinet. Ms. Jay was supposed to have been a serious dancer in her day but broke something in her back or cracked something or hurt something and had to quit her dream permanently.

  “Hi, Kenisha, what are you doing here this early? Your class isn’t usually until late this afternoon.”

  “I’m looking for my cousin, Jade.”

  “Oh, Jade’s upstairs in the back studio.”

  “Thanks,” I said, then walked down the hall against the wall seeing the newer students practicing tap, clicking their toes and heels. I smiled, remembering when I was young and having to practice the same wash step for what seemed like hours.

  So as I went upstairs and I heard a serious beat going down. I checked the first three studios and saw that they were empty, then I went to the last one and stood at the glass window and saw Jade’s reflection in the mirror inside dancing.

  Wow.

  I just stood there staring ’cause I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Her dancing was too tight. She was all over the floor and she was seriously kicking it out. The beat was heavy and her body was popping and jerking like she was a pro. When the music stopped, I heard thunderous clapping and realized that it was me. Jade turned around and stared at me for a minute like she had no idea who I was, then she turned back and nodded and smiled at someone else.

  I opened the door and walked inside and saw Gayle Harmon standing in front of the mirror on the side, nodding her head. “That was hot, but it might be too tricky to pull off on the second downbeat. Let’s try it again but this time try something like this.” She
did this body movement, turned, then paused to jerk back.

  “Okay,” Jade said as Gayle walked back to turn on the music again.

  “You want something?” Jade asked, looking in my direction.

  She walked to the side, picked up a bottle of water, drank, then picked up a towel and dried her moist face, arms and chest. At first I didn’t say anything, I just stood there like a complete fool. Apparently I was getting good at this looking-like-a-fool thing. Then I coughed slightly like I had something in my throat. “Yeah, I mean yes, Grandmom wanted to know what time you’d be in this afternoon. She needs us to do something for her, I think.”

  “Umm—” Jade looked at Gayle “—umm, maybe around one or two o’clock.”

  I nodded and turned to leave.

  “Wait,” Gayle said. I stopped in my tracks. “Do you dance? Does she dance?” she asked Jade.

  I turned around and saw Jade nod, still slightly breathless from dancing. “Yeah,” Jade said.

  “Why don’t you show her the steps and see if it’s too tricky on the second downbeat like we thought.”

  “I don’t have my dance shoes with me,” I said.

  “Don’t worry about it, your sneaks are fine, come on.”

  I walked over as Gayle reset the music.

  “Gayle, this is Kenisha Lewis,” Jade said.

  “Hi,” I said, then walked over to shake Gayle’s hand, praying that my hand wasn’t all sweaty. “I’m Jade’s cousin.”

  “Oh, I didn’t know you had a cousin in dance, too.”

  “Come on, Kenisha, let me show you the first few steps of the routine.”

  I swear I was on cloud nine for the next three hours. Dancing with Jade was really cool, then when Gayle joined in we were seriously burning up the wood. After a while Jade and Gayle just started changing moves and doing choreography and I just did the steps. It was like straight off the street raw, bump the clubs and the synchronized dance studios, their steps were way hotter than that stuff.

  By the time we finished, Gayle had a routine that was too hot. I found out that it was for a video for Tyrece’s new release that no one had even heard of yet. They, I mean Gayle and Jade, talked about the video concept. I was surprised at how tight Jade, Gayle and Tyrece were.